What Can I Say?
by xxdare2dreamxx1
Summary: Oneshot. Puck and Quinn are paired up for a Glee club assignment after a full year of barely acknowledging each other. Awkward.   I don't own Glee or any of it's characters, I just like to write about things they've left out or haven't thought of.


They sat in silence in her bedroom. She sat indian style on her bed, keeping her eyes fixed on her lap, unable to make eye contact with him. He sat backwards on her desk chair, resting his arms over the back. Out of boredom, he picked up his guitar and began to strum softly. She stole a glance at him. He had a look of contentment on his face as his fingers gently stroked the strings. Sensing her gaze, he looked up from his instrument. She quickly looked away. They had been playing this awkward game for at least half an hour now, and it was all Mr. Shuester's fault...

"I think we should start the year off with duets," Mr. Shue proclaimed at the first glee club meeting of the year. The extreme enthusiasm in his voice was a bit too much to handle on the first day of another long year at McKinley High.

"We do them all the time, Mr. Shue," Mercedes said with a shrug.

"I know. But you guys like them, right?" Upon receiving a half-hearted affirmative response from the group, he continued. "We always use duets at competitions, and as great as Rachel and Finn sound together, I think it might not be a bad idea to... explore other options." Finn and Rachel glanced at each other, and then cast simultaneous disapproving glares at their teacher.

"What about Quinn and Sam?" Tina suggested. "Their duet helped us take sectionals last year." Quinn blushed and offered Tina a smile, while Sam returned Artie's fist pound.

"Quinn and Sam are great duet partners," Mr. Shue said sincerely. The two blondes exchanged smiles. "But I'd like to experiment a little bit with duos that haven't been paired up yet." He gestured to a black hat sitting on the piano. "I've put all the guys' names in a hat, and each girl will select her partner. Any repeats and the girl must draw again. Who's first?" Santana, who was sitting front and center, jumped up first.

"Finn," she read after she had pulled a slip of paper out of the hat. "That'll due." As she pranced back to her seat, she looked coyly at Finn, who couldn't mask the fear in his eyes. Rachel was up next.

"Artie," she said with a smile. Artie looked uncertain at first, but then quickly covered with a grin as Rachel darted towards him. Brittany bounded up to the piano next and stuck her hand into the hat. After feeling around for a few moments, she jumped.

"Ow!" She pulled her hand out of the hat quickly. "The rabbit bit me," she said with a pained expression on her face. The rest of the group looked at each other in disbelief. "I'm just kidding guys," Brittany said after a moment, breaking into a smile. "Everyone knows magic rabbits don't bite." She reached into the hat again and pulled out a piece of paper. "Mike," she read excitedly.

"Yes!" Mike hissed from the back row. A clearly annoyed Tina eyed him as he grinned at Brittany, who was dancing her way back to her seat. Quinn stepped gingerly to the piano next, and reached into the hat.

"Sam," she said with a smile. But her smile faded as she remembered Mr. Shue's rule.

"Sorry, draw again," Mr. Shue said, holding the hat out to Quinn.

Her heart sank just a little. She and Sam had gotten to be pretty close friends since the end of last year, and into the summer. Quinn had a lot of respect for Sam, ever since he confided in her about his family's financial problems. She had always been so guarded, never trusting any person enough to share her weaknesses with them. Yet Sam trusted her. He was willing to set aside his pride and ask for her help in his time of need, and that both frightened and amazed her. She couldn't imagine being that transparent. But Sam didn't give up on her. All summer, he made sure she knew that he would be there for her like she was for him. All she had to do was ask. She didn't. Ask, that is, but it was nice to know that he cared. That _anyone _cared. And strangely enough, Quinn felt much closer to Sam than she ever had while they were dating. He had become one of the few people she felt like she could be herself around, and he kept her grounded. Partnering with him for the first glee assignment of the year would have put her mind at ease, that was all.

With a sigh, Quinn reached into the hat and pulled out a new slip of paper. She unfolded it and hesitated just slightly before she read the name.

"Puck."

Immediately, Quinn's heart rate quickened as the room fell silent. Nervously, she glanced at Puck, sitting in the front row next to Lauren. He gave her a smile, and Quinn knew it was a real one-not the forced smile he used on his mom when she asked him to do the dishes or take out the trash. And she would know.

"Ok," Mr. Shue said awkwardly to break the silence. "Lauren, you're up." As Lauren rose from her seat, Puck motioned for Quinn to take it. Timidly Quinn approached Puck as Lauren brushed past her, shooting her a warning glare.

"Sup milf?" Puck joked as Quinn sat down. She frowned, but the look on his face forced her to break into a nervous smile. Her mind was racing...

"Quinn?" Puck said, sounding slightly annoyed.

"What?" Quinn answered, returning from her thoughts. She was back in her bedroom. She heard the soft music playing in the background-her iPod. 'Don't Stop Believing' had just started.

"Didn't you hear what I just said?"

"Sorry, I was..."

"Lost in thought," he finished. "I realized that when you didn't object to my idea."

"You have another song idea?" Quinn asked, almost wincing.

"This is a good one," he said sitting up a little straighter in the chair. "Big Yellow Taxi by Counting Crows, and that whiny chick with the long hair. What do you say?"

"I don't know," Quinn said trying to mask her distaste.

"What's wrong with this one? Do you even know the song?"

"Of course I know the song. And it's a good song," she quickly assured him. Not to mention, a much better suggestion than a mash-up involving the Super Mario Bros theme. "It's just that this is supposed to be a duet, and I'm not really interested in being the backup singer." She shrugged her shoulders. Puck shook his head.

"Well then how about 'Hot in Here'?" Puck suggested with a devious grin. Quinn raised her right eyebrow and frowned slightly.

"The Nelly song?"

"Yeah," Puck said as if it should have been obvious. Quinn stifled a laugh.

"Did you honestly think I would go for that?"

"Would have been super hot," Puck said with a shrug. "Worth a shot."

Quinn let herself gaze at the playful expression on his face, and it made her smile. But the smile slowly faded as she realized they were starting to get comfortable around each other, like old times. Like when she was living with Puck, and they'd spend evenings in his bedroom doing homework and singing along to the radio. Well, _she_ would be doing homework. He would just sit there and distract her, trying to make her laugh or asking her questions about the baby. _The baby..._

"Whatever, you pick something," Puck conceded, interrupting Quinn's thoughts.

Quinn leaned forward, placing her elbow on her knee and resting her chin on her closed fist, as she tried to think of a good song. "What about that duet from Grease?" She frowned as she tried to remember the name of it. "Summer Love?"

"Summer Love," Puck repeated with a smirk. "Isn't that like the opposite of what we had last summer?" Puck immediately regretted his attempt at humor as he watched Quinn's face fall. "I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "We can do that song if you want."

"It's not about the song," Quinn said in quiet frustration. Blinking back tears, she turned her head away from him, embarrassed.

"I know," Puck said with a sigh.

Quinn wondered if he really did know. They had barely spoken all year, so how could he even begin to know what was really going on with her? Though she had to admit, it was mostly her fault. The summer after Beth was born, Puck had made it clear that he wanted to be with her. But she pushed him away. Did he know that it was because being with him, just seeing his face even, felt like a knife to the heart? A painful reminder of what she had lost. What she had willingly _given away._ Did he know that the only reason she couldn't say that she loved him back was because it would have made her feel like giving Beth up was the wrong choice? Did he know that a day didn't go by without her thinking about him, or her baby, or the endless "what ifs"? Did he know any of that? _How could he? I pushed him away instead of letting him be there for me. Letting him help me through everything. _As she looked at Puck out of the corner of her eye, she wondered what it must have been like for him. If he had been hurting as much as she was, she couldn't have known.

And now here they were. A year later, and practically strangers. Forced to interact because of a stupid Glee club assignment. Quinn was a different person than she was a year ago, that was for sure. The end of the school year had left her with the harsh reality that she couldn't evade her feelings anymore. She couldn't go on telling herself that everything was ok. Everything was definitely _not _okay, and she knew it was finally time to accept that. She had spent the past summer trying to break free from the last bits of denial she'd been clinging to all year, and she was finally beginning to let people in. Let people help her, like Santana and Sam. They had been so great to her, but Puck? He was different. He was more difficult... How would she even begin with him? What could she _say _to him?

Quinn had let her thoughts carry her away, failing to notice that Puck's demeanor had changed.

"What song is this?" he asked, referring to the soft music coming from Quinn's hot pink iHome. It took a second for Quinn to remember that there was actually music playing. Her thoughts had seemed so loud in her head, blocking out everything around her. She turned her focus to the music.

"Oh, it's a duet of..." She fell silent when she realized what song it was. She listened to the words and became aware of just how much they seemed to describe her life in that moment. With glassy eyes, she gazed at Puck's face. She could tell he was hanging on every word too.

And then they were sitting on stools in front of the Glee club, Quinn with her hands folded on her lap, and Puck with his guitar. As they sang together for the very first time, it was like they were seeing in each other with new eyes. They sang only to each other, as if no one else in the world existed...

_Piercing words, eyes are red _

_Watched your taillights in the rain _

_Empty heart filled with regret _

_I know we were both to blame _

_And I'm not sorry that it's over _

_But for the way we let it end _

_So I said all I had to say _

_In letters that I threw away _

_And you should know, please believe me _

_I've picked up the phone a thousand times _

_And tried to dial your number, but it's been so long _

_It's never easy, it's like tryin' to spin the world the other way _

_What can I say? _

_How did it come to this? _

_I think about you all the time _

_It's no excuse, but I wish _

_That I never made you cry _

_I'm not sorry that it's over _

_But for the way we let it end _

_I couldn't find the words to say _

_And you should know, please believe me _

_I've picked up the phone a thousand times _

_And tried to dial your number, but it's been so long _

_It's never easy, it's like tryin' to spin the world the other way _

_So what can I say? _

_What can I say? _

_I hate to think all you had of me _

_(I said all I had to say) _

_Is a memory I left you, pace between what was meant to be _

_(In letters that I threw away) _

_And the mess that it turned into _

_And you should know, please believe me _

_I've picked up the phone a thousand times _

_And tried to dial your number, but it's been so long _

_It's never easy, it's like tryin' to spin the world the other way _

_It's like tryin' to spin the world the other way _

_What can I say? _

The song ended, and everyone cheered. Quinn and Puck stared into each other's wet eyes, unable to speak. Quinn didn't bother to wipe away the tears that had been trickling down her face since the first chorus.

"That was so beautiful you two," Quinn heard Mr. Shue say. Finally she broke away from Puck's gaze and was surprised to see that she wasn't the only one who was crying. Mercedes and Tina were both rubbing their eyes. Brittany was resting her head on Santana's shoulder, both with shiny eyes. And she even caught Rachel brushing a tear from her cheek with the back of her hand.

"I think we have a new partnership for sectionals!" Mr. Shue said jubilantly. "Way to kick off the year guys!"

Quinn turned her head back to face Puck and smiled. Puck gazed in awe at the girl who had meant so much to him in the past. The girl who still meant a lot to him, he realized. Aside from the moment he first saw Quinn with their daughter, she never looked more beautiful to him than she did right then, with a smile on her face in spite of the tears. In the back of his mind he knew Lauren was probably staring daggers at him from the back row, but he couldn't seem to care.

Quinn and Puck remained seated in the front of the classroom while everyone else filed out, after Rachel's suggestion to, "Give them a moment."

"That was awesome," Puck stated. Quinn nodded in agreement.

"The words, they...That's really how I feel about...us."

"Me too," Puck said sincerely.

"I'm sorry," Quinn said, almost a whisper. "I shouldn't have pushed you away."

"I shouldn't have given up so easily." Puck looked away, ashamed.

"You did what you thought I wanted you to do. What _I_ thought I wanted you to do. I respect you for that." She offered Puck a sad smile. "I thought it would be easier. That if I could forget about you, I could forget about her, forget about everything..." She breathed a heavy sigh. "It's not." She said after a moment. "Easier, I mean. To try to forget. It only makes things harder in the end. I know that now."

Puck sat silent, letting Quinn's words sink in. "You know, that song was great," he said after a moment. "But I've gotta say that there was one part I just wasn't feeling." Quinn frowned just slightly. "One line I really didn't mean."

"Which line?" Quinn asked, worried that opening up to Puck had backfired. She bit her lower lip in nervous anticipation.

"The one that says I'm not sorry that it's over."


End file.
